And so we learn . . .

Vocabulary extends with needs, just as the Inuits have many words for snow, so have we developed many words for stress. I feel new ones coming on . . . the last few days have been intense preparation for the journey. Juergen, who is the head of sales at the firm that has made our wanderlustwagen, has become our very best friend, and we his. He is quite sure that we will never call him from the road with anxious questions – our preparation over these past few days has been exhaustive (please note the gerundive would also apply). Most people drive off after only two hours. We will drive off after 6 days and that is after the tramp spent almost a week on his only! I am apparently, even in the land of Walkueres, the first woman who has lifted a gas bottle into the vehicle and installed it (all my gym training it seems is to some functional end, not just vanity in a short sleeved dress!). He really didn’t want me to do it but the tramp insisted that there might be a time . . . . you can see then that I have not been idly taking notes (though I have done that as well – trust me attaching a trailer and driving a Smart car on to it requires many notes – even more can be added after the first attempt to follow the notes without expert guidance). Some may think that such apparent overkill before driving off is time wasted, I assure you that our efforts were repaid on our first day on the open road. Let me explain.

It was determined that our first venture forth would be only a short on: from Polch to Koblenz (for some serious food shopping – not quite Whole Foods but nearly – and this in a country which had been a culinary laughing stock not so very long ago) and then to Cologne where we would visit Globetrotter (several email exchanges had established that the tramp’s tiny – for his height – size 13 feet could be shod in appropriate trekking boots.) Naturally the WLW is equipped with extraordinary AV equipment, including satnav so this journey was expected to go without any of the difficulties experienced on the first journey the trampess made where her navigational skills (later proved to be of a superior nature) were questioned. We drove confidently to Cologne, the tramp convinced that the streets there, while not paved with gold, were wide enough for such a large vehicle as the WLW (which by this point was, of course, trailing its Smart car behind). As we were within 2 km of the destination (yes!) we turned down a one way street – followed, as one always is, by a stream of other cars – only to find that there was a largish BMW parked in front of a youth hostel (!) not of course in a parking place but in a loading zone and with its backside extending far enough into the road to allow a small car to pass but not, as you might expect, the WLW. The tramp could not leave the car (he is the only one of us with a licence to drive a 40t articulated lorry – and while the WLW is not so big, the articulation could make a blonde at the wheel with only a 7.5t licence somewhat vulnerable). So, I went in to the youth hostel and in my best German explained that someone was in the loading bay and could they move their car. I returned to the WLW and was promptly forced into policeman’s role in directing traffic around us (of course I have a flash red/orange Emergency Clothing vest for such an event but sadly forgot to don it). After a time had passed, I went back to the hostel to check on progress. Apparently they did not have any idea to whom the vehicle belonged (I have to admit that a BMW is a pretty impressive vehicle for someone staying at a youth hostel but some parents are more indulgent than the tramps). A car belonging to the hostel drove up and remarked the car had been there overnight and the only thing to do was call the police! By this time you will have gathered that backing out of the street would have caused major traffic chaos, not to mention a challenge in the extreme for even the tramp whose reversing skills are not to be under-estimated. There was only one thing to do: de-couple the Smart on its trailer, push it back to a building site (only a hundred feet or so) and then back the WLW in front of it and re-couple. Have practiced this manoeuvre a few times, I can report that we didn’t even need to refer to the notes on the computer (or for back safety sake kept on yellow post-its in my pocket). Mission accomplished we set out to find the shoes – just then the police showed up – well one tiny policewoman who proceeded to photograph the offending vehicle. Mobile phones have so many practical uses! Needless to say she did not tow away the vehicle so we continued with our plan.

Now, you can imagine that a man who has the idea to give his wife the world, would not only wish to accompany her in appropriate shoes, but would also wish her never to be lost. In the old days, ordinance survey maps were the rage. But they are bulky and to carry the whole of Europe (let alone the Silk Route) would more than fill one’s back pocket. Some hours after the shoes, a GPS system was decided upon and the loading of all the maps of Germany, Austria, and Switzerland were meant to be entered. (It is possible that France, Italy and Poland were to be entered to, but at a certain point the blonde hair kicked in and I went off for a cappuccino). I wasn’t the only one – the uploading of these magnificent machines is not to be rushed. We were encouraged to go for dinner and come back. We did, we returned, and we were sent away again. Dear reader we returned today (some 3 days later) and I finally walked off with, what I hope, is a fully loaded system.

Of course, first days are meant to expose all short-comings and make one aware of all the things one should be aware of. One of the things one should be most aware of is the turning off of the water pump once water is not needed. Suffice it to say, that our second encounter with the police was when we pulled to the side of a rather major road in downtown Cologne (as we were heading to the tramp’s birthplace) when saddening the kitchen started gushing water. I can only imagine that the cover to the sink was not in place, knocked over the soap which hit the lever on the kitchen tap and with the pump still on started a cascade. We will never, ever, forget to turn the water pump off after washing the dishes again. Luckily the tramp exuded charm when a policewoman told him he couldn’t stop where he was stopped and explained we had had an accident and would be moving on immediately. Contrary to any film you may have ever seen, she was equally charming and nothing more was said. We arrived without further incident in the tramp’s hometown and parked in front of his sister’s house. It is such a nice surprise to wake up in the morning and find a WLW outside with the milk